Progress

Our son built his vocabulary, but his use of language really skyrocketed after being integrated into a group learning setting. He had a small amount of exposure to group therapy prior to preschool, but it was preschool that really saw him take off in terms of using language.

We were also fortunate that he was placed with a teacher who really knew her stuff. Handwriting without tears, 'Mat-man,' visual images for schedules, attendance, buddy system - she used many techniques to play to our son's strengths and integrate him into the classroom. No simple add 'x hours special ed.' And the great thing is that all these techniques added value for the rest of the students as well. They benefited, our son definitely benefited and our son was not singled out as the 'class sped.'

The key to getting him into preschool was getting a proper diagnosis. As mentioned earlier, we were again fortunate to have a top-notch children's hospital in our state only 2 hours away. Once we got our diagnosis then we had the key to unlock the early intervention via the local school district - preschool.

I can't answer for my wife, but iirc at this time I was still thinking - not in terms of a 'cure': I knew that autism involved the brain being wired differently - but perhaps in terms of 'becoming neurotypical': reinforcing 'normal' practices and in so doing perhaps relying on the plasticity of the brain to make those connections to enable my son to function at an age appropriate level. In short, I still did not have a clear understanding of what my son's diagnosis really meant. I was under the misapprehension that 'normal' was the goal, when in reality it was not even an option.

What is the goal? Well, my child's ultimate happiness and life satisfaction of course, but achieving a functional level of social integration that provides a foundation for my son to reach those more ultimate goals.

My son is now using language at an age-appropriate level. Is he neurotypical? No, and he never will be. The 'best' he can do in this regard is to 'pass' for neurotypical. But that is also not true.

Actually, a better way of putting it is that he can do much better than merely passing for 'normal', he can be the best that he can be, and that means in certain respects he is already better off than his neurotypical classmates, in other respects he will be fighting up hill.

This evolution in my understanding that was not immediate nor was this understanding directly fostered by the folks that we have come into contact this process. Rather it came through personal research and the repeated attempt to understand the 'whys' behind the 'whats' that constituted by son's behavioral and cognitive strengths and weaknesses, to try and empathize with his internal logic. To paraphrase George Orwell, "it was a constant struggle to see what was in front of my nose."